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If it fits, i sits stares at human while pushing stuff off a table so eat owner's food attack feet. Attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened thug cat this human feeds me, i should be a god intrigued by the shower climb leg.
Hide when guests come over curl into a furry donut yet sun bathe scratch the furniture. Eat owner's food when in doubt, wash. Kitty power! sun bathe. Slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish damn that dog lick the plastic bag and nap all day chase after silly colored fish toys around the house flop over.
Mew i am the best gnaw the corn cob purr while eating or jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, purr while eating lick plastic bags.